I'm sorry, what? You're going to wait up to tell me off?
Who are you to do that?
Yes, give myself some rules to follow by. That will truly define my character.
Let me tell you why it doesn't matter anymore.
I don't wake up with an empty mind anymore.
I don't think I ever have an empty mind.
Paperwork, real estate, do work, read, clean, plan work, teach, rest, bills, people's business and who pisses you off, email this person, call up this place, have you done it? What's the news? What's happening now? Where is this? Can you explain this to me?
Stop.
It never does.
They say letting it out will make you feel better.
But it doesn't anymore.
I go out to forget. Just for a little bit.
I come back feeling heavy. Suffocated.
The days go by fast.
The thoughts don't just come by. They come back. Again and again.
I go out for escape. To laugh about stupid shit. To smile at simple things. To talk to people who..just get me.
I'm sorry, we are too different.
I don't think you've even ever asked me.."how are you feeling?" Without expecting a "yes, I'm well. No I'm sick" "Yeah, kind of busy with uni and all."
That's all there is.
We will never talk about things in the same way. We will never understand and believe in the same things.
But I can. With them.
Without this escape, I don't think I would feel like...there is anything to look forward to..after all
I need my space. Away from it. Even just for a little.
People change. But why wait for them to change when you can hold onto what they are now? Make the most of it. Don't be cynical. Appreciate it. When it's time to move on and care about other things, I will.
I don't want to grow up too quickly.
But I have no choice.
So I'm holding onto whatever I have left to keep me sane.
